When Ugly Meets Beautiful

So there I was, a vibrant 20-something who had just been giving a stage 2 breast cancer diagnoses. I had to come face-to-face with the fact that my once beautiful, untainted, fit body may become marred with war scars. At my core I could feel an overwhelming feeling of disgust. I was disgusted with the diagnoses, I was disgusted with how I felt, and I was disgusted of what my physical outcome could be. I would troll the timelines of those currently battling breast cancer and saw how ugly of a disease it could be. I looked at my long and full hair and wondered how I would feel without it. I thought I would be devastated, ugly, and far from beautiful. God reminded me that his glory didn’t rest in my hair but it rested on the inside of me. I knew that this would be one of the most difficult battles I would ever have to face. Little did I know, my most difficult battle would become my most beautiful one. Yes, enduring cancer was not an easy feat but I am grateful that God chose me to go through it. There is something about losing everything you think makes you beautiful that forces you to discover what true beauty really is. This ugly place in my life taught me so much about life, love, and peace. Here are my takeaways from enduring cancer:

1. The ugliest things can produce the most beautiful things: After my fight, I came out more confident and beautiful than EVER. I learned to love myself and became comfortable with being alone. I saw areas in my life where I needed to become better as a person and I got the time to work on it.
2. You control how people speak to you and about you: From the day I was diagnosed until this present day I am very careful about the words I use and how others address me. I truly believe that our perspective can change our position. In my case, I came out cancer free- Thank you Jesus!!!
3. Tribulations tests the strength of bonds: When you are facing something as serious as cancer, you learn who your true friends are. Now, you can’t really hang out or give advice because you’re more concerned with living. I will never forget the ones who showed up when the chips were down.
4. Beautiful things always start off ugly! Yes, this is true. Diamonds, gold, butterflies, flowers, and pearls all go through processes and are found in the ugliest of places. The way it looks is not how it ends up.
God has allowed me to come out of this process more in love with my body and who he is. This weekend, I get to share with many the beauty that God showed me while enduring the ugly face of cancer. Beauty for ashes now has become a devotional book infused with poetry that speaks to times I’ve felt inadequate or un-pretty, and how God uses it all for his glory. The book will be available on Amazon and Amazon Kindle this Saturday.


My Sweet Addiction – Getting Off the Struggle Bus of Emotional Eating

I was eating my sorrows, frustration, and anxiety away through countless sugar-loaded sweets. I noticed it the moment I had cake, donuts, candy, and pastries all in the same weekend. It was way too much. I mean why was I eating like this, knowing my family’s health history and recently conquering my own health challenges? It was because I was emotionally falling apart! I had to piece my life back together after Cancer and I didn’t even know where to begin. I needed to ease the rush of emotions and sweet confections were my drug of choice. Then I was convicted and God’s voice hit me like a speeding freight train. “Timea, daily you are loading yourself with sweets and not considering keeping your temple healthy. The way that you show gratitude is by caring for the temple I gave you”. Self-care and soul-care go hand in hand. I can not single-handedly feed myself into diabetes by choosing to have my affection set on sweets to ease the pain and expect to maintain good health. Instead of handing over my heavy-load to a God who can handle it all, I cracked under pressure. So I have made the decision to fight emotional-eating by devoting my time and attention towards a God who has loved me unconditionally. He continues to show me my self-destructive habits and how they ultimately effect my mind, body, and spirit. I didn’t want my comfort to rest in sugar and carbs because my issues could not be fixed with food. No my problems would be fixed by faith. So, I have gone cold-turkey on sweets in this season to devote my time to a closer walk with Jesus, loving myself, discovery, and creation. I will not allow my emotional appetite to control my physical appetite in a way that tarnishes my spiritual appetite. I will have cake on my birthday and that’s it. My hunger will be rooted in those things that have the ability to grow and nourish me; keeping me healthy both mind, body, and spirit.


The Beauty of Airplane Mode

We live in a society where people would go crazy without their cell phones. They act as if they wouldn’t be able to survive without it. What is crazy to me, is the fact that there was a generation who once lived and thrived without these communication devices and they loved harder, lived better, and spent more time together. We are constantly bombarded with flashy objects that occupy our time and attention from the ones we say we love…including God. I have realized with each passing day how hard it has been to focus specifically during my prayer time or time set aside for me and God. That’s when people want to blow-up my phone, I get distracted, or think of random things. I have learned that it is ok to disconnect yourself from the world to find focus, peace, and solitude in Christ. It is a beautiful thing when you can shut off that phone, ignore that email, walk away from the work and know that it won’t change the course of your life. In fact, life is less stressful when you can coast in God, knowing that he is the only one that is the major priority. Your relationship with him is what matters most and everything else can wait. Don’t allow the noise and gadgets of this life to keep you from enjoying the beauty of life and love in Christ. For the first time, I experienced the beauty in simply relaxing and doing absolutely nothing but meditating on God. I turned my phone off, I shut my door, and I just closed my eyes and took a moment to relax. No Instagram, no Facebook, no emails, no calls…just me and God. I have to say, it was the most liberating feeling EVER. And guess what? Everything I left was right there when I came back. Don’t let deadlines, priorities, and things stress you out! When I look up, I want to say I enjoyed my life. Living is one thing but enjoyment is living a truly liberated life free from the opinion or control of others and things.


What Perfection Has Taught Me


I don’t profess to be perfect, I make mistakes, I mess up, I’m not always able to follow through the way I would love to but I am honest about it and working everyday to become a better me. The perfectionista on the inside of me wanted so badly to get everything perfect. If a project was a margin wrong I used to beat myself up for its demise. I then learned very important lessons that has helped me in my journey as an entrepreneur and woman.

1) Failure is inevitable but quitting is a choice.
No one gets everything in life right 100% of the time. There is no such thing as perfect people. At some point in your life you will fail, but our fall is just a setup for an epic comeback. Although, failure is someone we will all meet at some point of our lives, we don’t have to allow it to control our decision to fight. Choose to fight for what you want in life because quitting is always an option. You can choose to get knocked down and wallow or fight and win.

2) It’s OK to want better, it’s not ok to beat yourself up about it.

Self is our biggest enemy, and sometimes we cause our own demise. The moment I learned to let go was the moment I became free. I had to understand that sometimes life takes its on course. There are things that you can control, and something’s you cannot. Do not beat yourself up about what has been or you will never get to what can be. Love yourself through the process. Forgive yourself for not getting it right and reposition yourself to try again.

3) You will make mistakes, just be honest about it.

We are far from perfect people and sometimes our character flaws show. There may be a time in life you’re not able to keep a promise or follow-through as you had sincerely hoped. Sometimes you may have overlooked how someone else may interpret something you said based on their social and cultural experience. In cases like these, I have learned to examine myself and to be totally honest about where I fell short. Sometimes people are fighting battles we know nothing about. If it is fixable, then fix it! If not, then accept where it has been and work on becoming a better you.


Our Warm Society

We live in a world where no one enjoys the satisfaction of either hot or cold. Many people carry luke warm mentalities. White is no longer white and black is no longer black. We combine a little bit of this with a little bit of that. Phrases like “I love God, but I curse a little” become the common way that we live our lives. When are we going to wake up and realize that playing the middle in every area of our lives makes us mediocre. It shows that we have not fully decided to commit because commitment takes sacrifice and if we’re honest there are just some things we are not willing to let go. I love you but I hate you is the dumbest line I have ever heard! You either love something completely or you hate it completely. Do you say I want my ice cream hot? No, because its consistency, its make-up is cold! It was created to be frozen solid. So, when you try to have ice cream served to you at a temperature that is not conducive to what it’s meant to be…it will melt. It is no longer useful to you. There is good, bad, and mediocre and instead of us picking which one we want to be we decide to mix the two hoping for the best outcome. It’s like being in a relationship, you don’t want to be with someone who says I love you on Sunday and sleep with everyone else Monday-Friday. That’s how we treat God, like he is our convenience. We like the idea of him and the benefits he can provide but we cut around the parts of him that don’t align with our lifestyles. There is no middle ground when it comes to conviction, it either is…or it isn’t. The ugly truth is that we’ve become comfortable with OK and okay isn’t good enough.


Extreme Blessings, Extreme Sacrifice

Over the past week I have learned that to get to something great, sometimes you have to go through some tribulation. Sacrifice isn’t easy, especially when it causes you to be uncomfortable. When you truly want to be whole and fulfilled it requires that you face that uncomfortable place. Life is a battle but we have already been equipped with the stuff it takes to win. The number one requirement to get the blessings we’ve been praying for is that we must deny SELF. Self is the greatest enemy some of us will ever face. It is self that keeps us from receiving our blessings. During my devotional time, I read about a man named Naaman in the bible who was a leper. He was a well to do man who was well known and accomplished. He had an incurable disease and if he could be healed from his condition, it would be that breakthrough kind of blessing he had been searching for! So Elisha the profit told him to go dip in the Jordan river seven times. This river was the nastiest of any river that existed. In fact, Namaan was insulted that Elisha suggested he go through such extreme measures to get such and extreme blessing…but why? Why is it hard for us to realize that we must be conditioned in extreme circumstances so that when our extreme blessings come, we’ll know how to appreciate and handle them. Where you currently stand may seem uncomfortable. You may be facing what man has deemed an incurable disease, lofty debt, and heartbreaking loss. Although these are extreme circumstances, they are preparing you for your extreme breakthrough. Naaman did not expect something unclean to be capable of healing the unclean but it did! Your extreme circumstances are setting you up for an extreme blessing. Do not give up but rather decide that you will go through to get to your blessing.


Lessons In Forgiveness


So yesterday I was driving home and I heard a woman on the radio who stated that she was heartbroken because of what someone did to her. You could hear her sobbing to the DJ as he told her that she had to forgive and let it go. She stated that it was “so hard” and he told her she had to take it one day at a time. You could literally hear her heart breaking through the phone as she brought back to life the hurt she experienced. I can remember feeling the same way. Time and time again I had gone out of my way for people only to realize they were not true friends. They did not care about me the way that I cared about them. I gave of myself constantly and in return all I received was a broken heart. Today, I appreciate the heartbreak because through it I have learned some valuable lessons that I hope will help who ever is reading this:

1) Never regret what you gave because it will prepare you to receive what you deserve.

I used to hate the fact that I gave people my best and loved relentlessly in relationships and friendships where the outcomes were negative. Now I appreciate everyone who hurt me because it showed me what I am willing to accept and what I am not. It showed me what love and loyalty doesn’t feel like, however, it also showed me how to love harder and become more loyal. I used my bruised heart as a teacher. That teacher revealed to me that my pain was preparing me for purpose because I couldn’t know what true love and life-giving friendships were until I experienced the opposite. How can you measure what’s good if you have no point of reference? For every double negative, there is a positive. When you go through heartbreak it prepares you to discern more clearly what is true and what is false. Don’t allow your emotions to cloud your judgement, rather see where you have been and use it to prepare yourself for better.

2) I’ll forgive you but I’ll never forget is no forgiveness at all.

This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. To commit to memory the pain that someone has caused you is self-torture. We are flawed beings and if we ourselves were perfect in every way only then can we judge another’s downfall. God is the most perfect being and chooses to cast our sins as far as the east is from the west. If he can forget our wrong doings why can’t we truly “let it go” to “let it go” means “never to return again”. Who a person has been is no indication of who they will be. When you hang something over someone’s head its reminding them of who they used to be and makes it hard for them to change because they become limited to what has been. If we were limited to the mistakes that we made, we would never grow into who we were meant to be. To forgive and remember is not forgiveness, it’s holding a grudge. When you have truly grown from a situation you don’t have to remember it to move on, because it can’t come with you to where you’re going. Extra baggage is dead weight! Let it go.

3) Forgiveness doesn’t mean acceptance.

Sometimes people feel to forgive a person who has done them wrong means that they accept what that person did to them. That is not true! Forgiveness is admitting that you were hurt and that it is not your fault. It is a part of the plan that was designed to prepare you for your purpose. Forgiveness is also relinquishing your right to hurt someone for hurting you. Forgivness is knowing that human error lies in us all! You can not change a person or what has been but you choose how you react to the act that’s been committed against you. Forgiveness is saying I will not hold you responsible for my pain but I will use it as a stepping stone to my destiny. Forgiveness is realizing that no one owes you anything but you owe yourself the right to be free. You owe yourself a clean slate and a new future. Forgiveness is extending to others what Christ so graciously extends to us. It says a lot about a person who is able to give more than they’ve been given.

4) The Ugly Truth is True Love is Unconditional. If you’re not willing to work then you’re not ready to love.

We truly don’t know love like we should. Conditional love is not love at all, it’s manufacturing lust or intense like and calling it love. Love in its rarest form is caring about someone even when you can no longer adjust them to fit the expectation of what you want. Love is nurturing someone to become better even when you don’t agree with their decisions. Love is covering their sins even when they have exposed yours. Love is saying no matter how you act, no matter how you treat me, I am going to love the parts of you that are unlovable because I understand that true love has transformative power. If we knew love like we should, we would be well acquainted with forgiveness.

5) You can Fuel Your Bitter into Better.

You can use your heartbreak to fuel your passion. We have amazing artwork, songs, food, and even ideas. Sometimes people are bitter and decide to channel it to create something beautifully expressive. Your pain has a purpose. Some of my greatest poetry pieces or career moves happened after heartbreak or disappointment. If you refocus how you feel and use it to fuel what you do, you can produce some great things. Heartbreak has done wonders for our playlists. They don’t say “Art imitates life” for no reason:)

6) Nothing Says “I forgive you” like kindness.

There is no better way to say “I’m over it” then treating someone super kind. People expect a rise out of you. Don’t give them the satisfaction of seeing that they’ve succeeded in bringing you down. Don’t spend your time plotting ways to be petty or spiteful. Instead choose to kill them with kindness because nothing says you’re a nonfactor like treating them with love. Not only does it confuse them, but it causes them to realize that their actions do not control your life. You are what you give out, you can choose to be that mean and ugly person that allows their hurt destroy them or you can be beautifully better.

7) Forgiveness is for you AND them.

Don’t get me wrong, forgiveness is for you first. We need to forgive ourselves because a lot of times we condemn ourselves first for “allowing people to hurt us”. However, there is an impact that is made on those who know they don’t deserve forgiveness but receive it anyway. There are times in our lives we received grace that we didn’t deserve and we are better because of that. I’ll leave you with this, cut your enemies a break because everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Sometimes what others do to us isn’t about us but what’s been done to them. We can change the cycle of unforgiveness by choosing to forgive.


Things to Remember When Asking For Blessings: A Lesson in Becoming a Better Steward

We receive things in this life not because we deserve them but because we have been blessed enough to have provision made for us. A lot of people want to receive great fortune, long-life, success, and fame but don’t take into consideration that we must first be good stewards before we can receive anything! Most people want to lose weight but they eat like crap! I hear women speak about how badly they want to be married but they don’t know how to cook, clean, or compromise. Everything is their way or no way at all. If we don’t know how to take care of what we have now, how do we expect to receive more? Here are things 10 things we need to consider when asking for blessings:

1) Am I prepared to receive what I am asking for?

*It is important that before we ask for anything, we become prepared to receive it. People ruin things because they ask for things they’re not ready for!

2) People do things for us because they want to not because they have to, so be thankful.

*When you start feeling people owe you, you forget what it feels like not to have. Fortune can be temporary for those who do not learn to walk with a thankful heart. Understand that you don’t deserve anything you’re given.

3) Before you were big, you were small!

*No major CEO or Celebrity started off major. When you are blessed to become who you’ve always wanted to be, don’t forget who you used to be, it keeps you humble!

4) How am I treating the blessings I currently have?

*You can NOT ask for a beach body and eat fast food every day! The things we want require that we work and care for the things we have to prove that we can handle what is coming our way. When you have a nonchalant mentality, even if you get your blessings…you won’t keep them!

5) Am I living a life that commands the type of blessings I am asking for?

*Start living like you already have what you’re asking for!

6) What habits do I need to develop to become a better steward?

*If you know that you need to become better when it comes to money management or being consistent, work everyday to reset these habits that can deter your blessings.

7) Am I walking in faith or am I walking faulty? #IntegrityCheck

*Are you being true and honest in order to get what you want OR are you lying, cheating, and stealing? The same way you get your blessings are the same way you’ll lose them.

8) Am I humble or haughty? #AttitudeCheck

*So many people get knocked off their high-horses because they didn’t stay humble. The more you shine when you’re up, the more glorified you’ll become when you fall. This simply means those who are show-boats will fall faster and harder in front of everyone they turned their noses up at.

9) Am I complaining about where I currently am?

*Stop complaining, that’s no way to beckon your blessings. It’s actually the best way to keep them from coming.

10) Am I being genuine about my pursuit of what I want or am I being a “user” in an effort to get what I want?

*To get what you want at the expense of others is a poor an inhumane practice that will only destroy the empire you’re trying to get. You won’t enjoy your blessings in peace this way and will always have to risk losing everything you’ve received.

Join me on Periscope for the #BEMasterClass every week (Timea G.)!


Why You Really DON’T Like Yourself…


Our culture has become one that praises haughty, self-conceited, boastful attitudes. In order to show our superiority or truly display that we are the “baddest chick” we have to put on a show. My experience with those who really have, is that living extravagant or having wealth is the norm to them. They don’t have to boast what they have or how beautiful they are…they just know who they are and that becomes enough. I think about the song “I’m feeling myself” and can’t help but think that you can’t really be feeling yourself if you have to tell yourself you are. So to that note…when are we going to be honest about the fact that some of us have moments where we feel unwanted? We don’t feel like we’re truly beautiful so we flash a parade of selfies and toss on an alter ego so that we can actually love who we are.

It feeds our ego when people tell us we’re beautiful. Instead of truly knowing who God created us to be, we thrive when people tell us who we are because we are unsure ourselves. So I wrote this post to speak to the little broken girl in grown women, to talk to the little girl who stares in the mirror and sees disgrace, it’s ok to be honest about where you currently stand. It’s ok to say “I struggle with low self-esteem and it has caused me to make some really bad calls in my life that I regret”. The reason we have so many women and girls walking around pretending to love themselves while actually hating themselves is because we can’t let people see us naked. We can’t let people know we’re hurting in fear that they might hurt us that much more.

The ugly truth is that we don’t like ourselves enough to actually stop pretending that we do. Let’s learn to lean on the shoulders of other women who have felt this way. Let’s stop celebrating flaunting BODY and other glossy material things, and start focusing on developing a more healthy self-confidence! Let us develop an understanding of our self-worth and learn that those who have already reached this beautiful peak in their lives don’t have to say it because it simply exudes from their being:)

Freebie Friday!


I am so overwhelmed by the love and support I have received since re-releasing my blogsite. This site was created to help women love themselves and develop a closer relationship with God. I have created the surrender fast booklet to help us begin our journey towards becoming who we were ultimately meant to be. This means dropping dead weight and releasing the burdens we often feel. Join me as we surrender our deepest fears, anxieties, and heartbreaks to God during the next 21 days!

Get Your FREE Copy of the 21 Day Surrender Fast Book Here!


How to Avoid Negativity


Decide that you will not allow any negativity into your space.

When we give room to negativity in our lives, it causes us to be consumed with negative thoughts and attitudes towards life. The longer we remain around negative people, the more we become pessimistic about life. You choose what you allow to come into your life and negativity should not be welcomed!

Be very intentional with your words

I know the things I want to see happen in my life and I understand that the way I use my words will either help me to receive those things or miss out on them. I am a strong believer that our thoughts have legs and our words give them breath. Your words can either walk you to your destiny or be a detriment to the purpose you were meant to fulfill.

Declare what you want to see happen until you see what you said.

You have to do something 21 times in a row before it becomes a habit. I say the things I want in my life until they become a reality for me. I remember, one week my life had been in shambles. I was tired of my life not going in the direction I wanted it to. Instead of complaining, I decided I would start off the following days by saying “today, favor will follow me wherever I go”, that week I got a free camera lens, free starbucks, a paid gig, and I got into a concert free and set on stage with the performers.

Never accept any thoughts or beliefs that don’t belong to you.

If it doesn’t belong to you, why are you entertaining it? When you respond to foolishness, you make yourself a receiver of what is being delivered. People will try to project things on you that do not belong to you. In moments like these, I remember who I am and who I am not. We get to decide if we will accept sickness, poverty, or individuals demeaning our character. Remember “responders” receive, “ignorers” don’t. I ignore what doesn’t belong to me.

Decide that each failure is preparing you for a greater success

We can choose to look at failure as the “end all, be all” OR we can look at it as a place that is preparing us for something greater. I have learned that failure not only shapes you but it teaches you how to be a better stewart of success. Think about all of the wonderful inventions we have today, most of them were birthed out of someone else’s failure to realize that you can’t have one thing without having another to help it operate effectively. We wouldn’t need traffic lights if we didn’t have cars. There are many amazing innovators and entrepreneurs who were great failures before they became great successes!


Eating At the Table Alone


I don’t care who you are, where you are… no matter how many times you’ve had your heart broken or even if you’ve been the one doing the heart breaking—-no one really wants to be alone. Some people make singleness seem like a disease and the candidate pool of potential lovers is looking more and more scarce these days. I mean how many times have you had someone ask “Hey Ashley, when are you getting married” or “how’s your love life”? It seems like every time you log onto social media someone else is engaged, having a baby, or in love…and you? Well you’re alone. You have acquaintances but you aren’t fulfilled and the temptation to settle for less than what you want is almost tempting when you’ve spent a lot of your time alone. People don’t want to face the fact that being single, especially while trying to live for God…is hard. You begin to entertain people just to pass the time and end up breaking hearts along the way.

No one admits that they actually don’t like being alone because it’s almost not acceptable to say how you truly feel without getting side-swiped with a comment about your “desperation”. Even if you don’t seek companionship, people were not meant to be alone…God didn’t build us that way. While it is true that we may not like to be alone the truth is at some point in our lives, we will be. The person we expected to be there in our darkest hour will abandon us. We will find ourselves at some point feeling like no one understands us. We will look over at the empty space in our bed and wish someone was there to fill it. It’s ok to not want to be alone but it’s not ok not to learn how to be alone. For a long time I didn’t want to go anywhere alone. For some odd reason being alone made me feel as if I was walking around naked. I knew that walking alone would cause me to be noticed. I was comfortable being in a pack because I always had somewhere to run for cover. Being alone forces you to become comfortable in your own skin.

We don’t spend enough time with ourselves. Most of our relationships go bad because we don’t know who we are, we only know who other people feel we are. Over the past couple of months, I have learned how to be ok eating, traveling, relaxing, and doing life alone. In the time I’ve spent with myself, I have learned what I like and what I am no longer willing to tolerate. What will you do when you’re forced to find your center? Learning to be comfortable with who you are is like being on a balance beam with support at your side. If you lean to the left or the right, you will simply fall…but if you find your center, you will stand strong! If you’re not ok with the core of who you are, you will fall. Learn how to love the parts of you that no one else claps for.


The Stifling Effects of Inconsistency


So I recently took a trip to Miami and during my vacation I found clarity. I realized that I was the most inconsistent person I know. I had to break this success altering habit or it would be the death of the empire I had been working so hard to build. I would start a project or a relationship with someone and after a while I would just stop everything. I tried to think about at least one area in my life that had been consistent and I could not find one. What was stopping me from staying the course? What happened to my fight? Was nothing I started worth fighting for? All of these questions flooded my mind. In the process of realizing how inconsistent I was, I learned some powerful lessons about the effects of inconsistency

1) Inconsistency makes you less convincing.

2) Once you stop caring, so do others.

3) It’s not about how you get there, it’s about making sure that you actually get there.

4) You prolong your meeting with destiny when you’re so easily distracted.

5) Consistency requires discipline and discipline is an art that very few people have mastered.

Think about the things that have caused you to be inconsistent and decide that this habit will no longer keep you from completing what you’ve started.

Consistency Vow:
I vow to carry the weight of my dream , no matter how heavy it gets, I will remember that it’s mine. I will fight everyday to see my dream through because it is worth everything I have to give.
Excuses are no longer acceptable, I denounce “I cants” to pick up “I will”. Inconsistency is a disease and I will not allow it to kill my dream.


You Could NEVER Be Her… and that’s OK


Comparison is a Dream Killer. It shatters self-confidence but more importantly it devalues how amazing you really are. We max out our credit cards and overdraft our accounts to emulate the kind of beautiful we see in fashion spreads and our favorite reality TV shows. Society has carved out an unrealistic expectation of beauty and with each daunting beach body, coca-cola shaped vixen we see, we wonder why God didn’t make us as beautiful or why we weren’t blessed with the thick thighs and slim waist? The normal has become over-exaggerated eyebrows and red bottoms so that we meet the approval of other women and cut the list of the guys we want to simply look our way. I know the pressure you feel to look like HER. When I say “her” I mean that one public figure we idolize because it seems all the guys want her and every woman wants to be her. HER… as in the friend in your circle that seems she has it all together. HER as in the “her” you regret not being. The HER that makes you hate the YOU that God created you to be. You have to know, that no matter how many plastic surgeries you undergo, no matter how many pricey labels you wear, no matter how many lashes you buy….you could NEVER be HER….and that’s ok. Our personalities leave an indelible mark on the world. Each of our stories are unique. Our awkward, blemished, imperfect bodies are our fingerprint…our difference. No one else will carry our story or our wonderfully flawed beauty marks. We do damage to our souls by trying to wear personalities that don’t fit us. I have found so much freedom in learning to embrace the fact that I can never be HER because I can only be me. This freeing realization has kept me from people and places that don’t belong in my life. Comparison is a beauty basher because it makes us feel that we are less than adequate. There can only be one perfect you, and once you fully understand this…you will be the kind of beautiful you always hoped to be.

The Pleasure of His Presence


Have you ever been around that one person whose very presence makes you feel warm inside. Just the thought of knowing they are close to you gives you an unspeakable joy? Lately I have been longing for the very presence of God because I know when he is present anything that is opposite of who he is has to leave. When I would experience great anxiety I just knew that if I could press into the presence of God, I would be ok. There was a comfort I got in knowing that he was able to protect me from my fears and hold my hand through some of the hardest challenges I had to face. There are so many things we are searching for gratification in…things that will never give us the gratification a true relationship with Christ provides. We get excited when people like us on social media even if they despise us in real life, we smile from ear to ear when a cute guy tells us we’re beautiful, we feel great when some one gives us something we always wanted…but how do we feel in the presence of God? The one who sacrificed his only, who loves us without costs, who looked at us as his creation and called us good…even when we were far from it. The pleasure and fanciful pleasantries we receive from this world are only temporary. The pleasure of his presence is the kind of thing that never leaves us half empty but grants us what we need and more to make it through. I used to want to have people around so that I wouldn’t feel alone but now I realize that what God provides is more than any relationship or “thing” could ever give me.

Where I Stand


When you make the choice to do something you love, you give it your all. Sometimes giving it your all means “at all costs”. In the pursuit of my own personal passions and Christ, I have understood the importance of sacrifice. I have been through some of the most difficult years of my life for the past 8 years. I have fought through tears, broken hearts, misunderstandings, sickness, and more but I have learned the importance of endurance. We gain victory through our will to endure. If you don’t learn to endure you will never get past where you currently stand. The only way you will get from where you are now to where you want to be is by making the decision to move and acting upon that decision. Never let a bad yesterday keep you from obtaining a brighter tomorrow. God has provided us with hope and a future but we have become to comfortable where we stand and not we’re not fed up enough to leave! Those who win the battle are those who fight. So I’m telling you today to fight!! Fight depression, fight low self-esteem, fight abuse, fight anything that is blocking you from reaching the purpose that God has for you. I have come to the realization that where I stand is only a temporary place. It is a space in time that my feet are occupying until I tell them to go else where. Remain faithful to God, ask him to direct your path and I promise he won’t let you down.

The Coasting Christian


When we get comfortable with something, that’s when we start to take it for granted. It becomes easy to us…like second nature. This is the way we’ve become in our relationship with God. We call and we expect him to show up and give us an abundance of blessings while we salvage through our scraps to give him the pieces of us that we have left. I used to think I had it all together. I thought I really knew what being a “Christian” was all about. I felt just because I was obeying all ten of the commandments and I did good by other people that meant I was OK… to me that meant God was please. But what about all of the things that I DIDN’T do as often as I should’ve—if I did them at all? Things like share the gospel, talk to God often through prayer, fasting, discipleship, studying and applying his word. Sometimes we can slip right in the middle of what it means to have a relationship with God. Saying I’m a “Christian” is just a title, but what are you doing with the profession you’ve made? It’s just like those people who say “I didn’t lie” but they didn’t tell the truth either. Just because you’re NOT doing something, doesn’t mean that you are pleasing God. I could choose not to smoke or drink but if I’m not spreading the gospel then what am I really doing? My mom said it so clearly during our church bible study…”It’s not just in the name, it’s in the nature”. What is your nature [character] saying about what you believe? Don’t get stuck in the middle of not being a lover of the world and not walking in the life that Christ as laid before you. Like Taylor Swift said on an episode of NBC’s The Voice, “If you’re coasting, you’re backsliding”. We have to walk worthy of the life we’ve decided to live and apart of that means to actually start walking;) Are you walking in your purpose as a child of the King or are you just carrying the name?

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; (‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭1-2‬ KJV)

Proceed with purpose

Everyone tries to start the new year off with their clean slates, fresh perspectives, “new year, new me” rituals, and vision boards. It’s so easy to fall into the ritualistic things we do in the beginning of the year, promising ourselves and God that we’re going to be better. I’ve realized that things don’t change unless I do. This year instead of taking on the “new year, new me” mantra…I decided to just proceed with purpose. You possess a great deal of purpose but you won’t know how effective or impactful you will be unless you go forth in what you have been appointed to do. The reason you have felt the need to continuously press restart is because you haven’t really started! Things with purpose move and function because they have been equipped with something to do. When your life serves a purpose, you fill a need in the earth that no one else can fill. Everyone has purpose, no matter who you are or where you come from. No purpose is too big or too small to carry out when you consider that God carries us when we carry his purpose.

Facing Fear


We were created to subdue the earth, not be consumed by it. I find it quite interesting that God gave man command over the things of the world but the world finds a way of commanding US. We allow the stresses and fear of living in this world to make us feel discouraged, worried, stressed, and even depressed. I can remember vividly how fear used to run my life. I had witnessed some traumatic occurrences in my life, and for a long time I was tormented. We say we trust God but most often times then not it is with the things we are comfortable with releasing. We have all been scared of something, no matter how big or small, why can’t we trust God to protect us? It’s because we have come to fear what man can do to us instead of trusting the God who created the man. Our experiences have become our teacher and our teacher has taught us that life’s forecast can be gloomy. How do we reverse the cycle of fear and control it before we allow it to control us? 1) We must remember that fear does not come from God. When Paul wrote to Timothy he reminded him that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power, and love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). We have been given the power to conquer fear. I’m reminded that we have “greater than” dwelling inside of us. That means that God has given us the dominion to be greater than those things that make us afraid. I think about Peter’s walk on water, the moment he lost sight of the one who stood in front of him (Jesus), he begin to sink. Whenever we are feeling afraid we have to remember who stands in front of us, we must remember who our God is, we must keep our attention set on him regardless of the storm. I wonder if Peter ever realized that God had given him the ability to stand on waters he was once afraid of? Imagine that! I can admit that it is never easy to face our fears but I have been taking little steps to overcome them. I am so glad that “greater than” lives inside of me and he is in control of my world. Remember that where love abides, fear cannot exist.

Maintaining Faith Under Pressure


I’m sure you’ve heard this at some point in life, “be careful what you ask for”. My encounter with this statement has been a journey that has taught me persistence, greater passion, discipline, and responsibility. There was a point in my life when I wasn’t really sure what my purpose was in life. I felt like a nomad who aimlessly wandered around with no place to go. I didn’t want to be a person full of potential but no purpose. So after years of living a misguided life I started to focus and asked God for what I really wanted. I wanted an increase in business, opportunities to use all of my talents, I wanted to go back to school to get my Master’s, and I wanted to work more in ministry. Well, I got every bit of what I prayed for. I mean all at once the blessings started to flood in and I was completely overwhelmed. To whom much is given much is required. Too many times we ask God for the blessings instead of praying for preparation. I was happy that I had it all but not if I was going to enjoy abundance with mediocrity. I begin to doubt myself and would ask questions like, can I really do this? Am I really qualified for this? God reminded me that beauty is produced through pressure. I had to remember what I was fighting for and why it was worth it. You appreciate the results when you are challenged beyond what you believed you were capable of. You remember those moments when you were stretched beyond what you thought you were capable of. The pressure I was experiencing was only preparing me to receive what I prayed for. I encourage you to develop a press in your spirit. The kind of press that doesn’t fold under pressure but perseveres through persistence & faith. Every time you start to doubt just speak to yourself and say “I can do this”.

I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭13‬ KJV)

The Wait After the Wait


Normally when you wait for something you are eagerly anticipating it… hoping that at a blink of an eye it will arrive at the doorstep to which you’ve beckoned it. But what happens when you have been calling on God and asking him for something for years? What if you are going through the struggle of your life and it seems there is no opportunity for reprieve? This has happened to me and I’ve seen it happen to the people I love. My father has to be the most Godly man I know. I mean he puts the needs of others before his own, he visits the sick, has paid people’s rent, put groceries in their fridges, given young men jobs when no one else wanted to hire them, gave his last to the beggar. I mean I’ve never known someone who prayed and fasted so much in my life!lol….Someone who didn’t just experience God when he was preaching his Sunday sermons but he actually knows God!! Yet for years I watched him as Job, experience some of the greatest hardships of his life. His prayers to God would be my morning alarm clock and I could sense the desperation of him needing God to do something mighty…and for years I watched as it seemed things only got more difficult. Then there was me. I was certainly not a perfect person by a long shot, but one thing I was sure of is that I loved God and I sacrificed so much to live my life for him, even when others didn’t understand. It wasn’t because I didn’t face challenges but I just absolutely knew that I wanted God more than I wanted temporary happiness. Yet there were things that I laid before God, praying that he would come through. I would watch years go by and still nothing happened. I experienced failure after failure. I asked God to reveal to me his purpose for my life because I wasn’t seeing it too clearly in any area. So finally after 7 years of praying and waiting it seemed things were starting to look up for us. Awesome! We prayed and now God is coming through, however, there was something so significant I learned about the process in journeying from the pit to the palace. There is something called the wait after the wait. It is the holding pattern of our lives. It’s like that moment when you get on a plane and you are anticipating getting to this place you have planned to go. You are right over your destination just lingering but you haven’t landed. What you don’t know is that there are things that are happening on the ground that you can’t see. Things are being cleared so that you can land safely at your appointed destination. It is the same with us. Sometimes we are right over that blessing we have been waiting for for years. We wonder why we are only getting glimpses of something we are ready to receive in its fullness. God is moving a million things around just to make sure that when we arrive to that immeasurable overflow of the promises he has prepared for us, we land without anything interrupting or interfering with us arriving to our appointed blessing.  I know the Lord is going to come through because he is not a man that he should lie and his word doesn’t return to him void but it accomplishes what he sends it out to do. Just because I can’t see it doesn’t mean that it’s not going to happen. It is the process that produces a greater purpose within us. Look at Joseph, when he arrived at the place of his purpose he had no idea what God had planned for him. He had waited to see his dream be fulfilled as he saw it, because it felt that real to him. This was the same dream that landed him in a pit and caused him to be sold into slavery! At first things weren’t bad. He was placed in Potiphar’s house and wasn’t doing too shabby…until he got put into jail for a crime he didn’t commit. I would call the jail his “wait after the wait”. Even though he was in the right place for his dream to be fulfilled, he wasn’t in a favorable position. But his gift of interpreting dreams caused him to be the second in command in Egypt and now he was better off then when he first began. Honor the process. Know that when it seems you’ve been waiting all you can and nothing is being produced, you are in the wait after the wait. You are hovering over your blessing and God is preparing you to land. Remember that those who wait on the Lord shall gain renewed strength.  His plan is always bigger than ours.

I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. (‭Psalms‬ ‭130‬:‭5-6‬ KJV)

Lessons in Unconditional Love

msg-unconditional-love So last week I had a serious wake up call about what it means to love. I mean the kind of love that is self-sacrificing, putting the desires of others before its own wants and needs. The kind of love that isn’t based on mutual exchanges of “you’ve been good to me so I’m obligated to be good to you”. A few weeks ago my mom fell ill right after my dad. I knew she needed someone with her to make sure she had been taken care of but I had a ton of work to finish. Immediately I begin to complain about me always sacrificing what I have to do to make sure that everyone else is taken care of…that sounds so horrible right?  I had to pause and really get my attitude in check. Isn’t this what true love is all about? The same kind of love that caused God to sacrifice his one and only son so that we would be able to live under the dispensation of grace. Not because we were deserving but because he loved us beyond condition and prerequisites. Love is never about you. True love will cause you to see that you are flawed but will love you in a way that makes you forget your imperfectness. True love pushes you outside of your comfort zone and true love denies self. That moment God convicted me and I was taught a lesson in what love was not. I ended up staying with my mom to assure she was okay and changed my attitude from feeling like I was being accommodating to doing it because I love her. God knew I still had lessons to learn in unconditional love. You see, my mom normally takes care of my nana but because she wasn’t feeling well I had to step to the task. I picked up my nana’s prescriptions as my mom had requested and would drop them off to her house. When I arrived we caught up and I asked her if she needed me to do anything for her. Anyone who knows me knows that I abhor germs. I do not like touching trash bins or trash…not to mention I cannot function in clutter. She asked me if I could dump her toilet waste as she is unable to travel up and down the stairs.  My mom is a nurse and she normally does this for my nana but me doing it was a whole other story. But I thought about the lessons that God had taught me earlier about unconditional love and without second thought—I did it. I didn’t complain doing it either because I love my nana and I knew that she isn’t as strong as she used to be. No one else who lived with her would do it and I couldn’t imagine being in the same position and not having someone to help me when I am unable to do for myself. When I got home me and my mom spoke about my visit and she was proud of me for doing a job she knew was outside of my comfort zone. That day I gained a new perspective about myself and the way that I give love. That day my mom sowed a seed into my life. I never expected it but God knew I needed it. God blesses you when you honor his people. There is a blessing in loving others and I’m do glad about the daily lessons God is teaching me about unconditional love.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. (‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭4-8‬ NIV)

Empty Storages and Surrendered Hearts


A car needs fuel in order for it to drive and without fuel not only will it not drive but it is considered “empty”. We  are the same without Christ—dormant, empty, and at a stand still. I have been searching so long to understand what my purpose is and how I can walk in that purpose effectively. For a long time I had my priorities in the wrong order. I would take care of the things that I felt was most important first and then God was more like an afterthought. I remember so many times hearing him telling me that if I trust him and obey, he would supersede my expectations. But I did not trust him fully….I felt that I was better equipped to put matters into my own hands. This year I decided that I was tired of feeling “empty”. I didn’t like the results I got when I tried to handle things on my own and my failures were an example that I was incapable of handling my own dreams. God’s plan for us is bigger than our plans for ourselves. First I decided that I would trust God with my heart. The only problem was that he did not have it completely. We always say we trust God but it’s funny how we fear being hurt. Trust and hurt can not live in the same place.  1 John 4:18 is one of my favorite scriptures…it’s the scripture that helped me to see that I didn’t “trust” God as much as I thought I did. It says “there is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. (‭1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭18‬ KJV)”. Needles to say the one I thought was the “one” wasn’t the “one” that God had for me. I realized that I had to loosened the reigns and know that my creator knows me more than I know myself, which means he also knows who he has tailored made just for me. So I decided to wait without questioning or trying to manipulate his plan to fit my agenda. Relationships were not the only area of my life that I hadn’t surrendered to God. I realized that I was a complete control freak. One day I heard God say that all he wants is a surrendered life. I didn’t understand what that meant because I always had my hand to the same plow he told me to leave in order to claim my greater. So this year I decided that I would do something differently…I would trust him. I decided that my first priority would be to honor God whenever I encountered success and even when I failed. It wasn’t easy but I believed that there was a plan that he had set for me. This year I started Graduate school and I was freaked out to say the least. I had way too much on my plate and I had no idea how I would pay for it. I got accepted to Liberty University and decided I would not stress about the finances,  God opened up financial aid that covered my entire tuition. This was only the beginning and I was thankful that trusting God had yielded good results. In the beginning of the semester I was completely stressed, I had a business to run that I committed 65+ hours to per week, I held multiple positions in ministry, I was getting booked to perform or be apart of different events, and I still had to be a daughter, aunt, sister, and friend. I was completely worn. So here I was with a load of work and a limited amount of time. This was the Sunday I had to preach, we had two services, and I had countless work due by 11:59pm. As I sat at my iMac flustered, God told me if you take care of my business, I’ll take care of yours. That day I closed my books and focused on the word that he gave me. I decided not to be anxious but instead I trusted him and obeyed his command. As the semester unfolded I had one professor who it seemed gave more work than I could handle, and challenged me with every turn of the course. I decided that I wouldn’t  complain but I was really frustrated because I was challenged and the coursework wasn’t a walk in the park. At one point I even had to restructure my thesis statement and rework ALL of my research. But I remembered the commitment I made to God…when I said that I would trust him and surrender my will for his. With every step forward God constantly reminded me, “be anxious for nothing but in all thing with prayer and thanksgiving make your request known unto me”. So this time that’s what I did. Everyday…I told God I really want to get A’s in both my courses. It seemed like after taking my finals, it took forever to get my grades back. Today, I went to review my final grades and guess what? I got an “A” in both of my classes!! I am so grateful because God is showing me step by step that if I trust him, seek him, obey him, and put HIM first…he will give me the desires of my heart. I just want to encourage you and let you know that we have to be completely empty so that God can fill us up with everything he desires for us. Now that I have surrendered every area of my life to him he has exceeded my expectations. Everyday I realize that today is great, tomorrow will be greater, I am walking into greatness not because I’m great but because I serve a great God.

Scripture to Ponder
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. (‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭33‬ KJV)

We’re All Flawed Beautiful People


I remember when I was the girl that was afraid of embracing who she was. Especially during college. I had friendships with people who made me feel that what I had to offer externally was far more important then who God created me to be on the inside. Everyday I would dress up to show up but on the inside I was messed up. I had no concept of who I was because I had no concept of my value. When God created us, he placed value inside of us. What he thought we were worth was priceless, so priceless that he gave his only son to die on the cross for our sins. How many of us can honestly say that we would give our last and only because we had hope that someone could be greater than what they currently are?

When Christ found me, I was a complete mess. Such a mess in fact that pleasing people meant more to me then pleasing God, finding someone to love me the way that I loved them became my mission, I was a vain liar, I was completely depressed, and I had no identity. I knew God but I chose to neglect his voice. I knew God had given me purpose but I was afraid to accept the call because people wouldn’t like someone like me. I was tired of being called a “goodie two-shoes” or being told by guys how great of a women I was but they just couldn’t be with someone who is a virgin. I even had a guy tell me that he couldn’t be friends with me because I was a virgin. I never realized how selfish I was. Here was a loving savior who had given up everything for me and I wouldn’t even deny myself to acknowledge that he was calling me. I was in broken relationship after broken relationship, looking for someone to love me the way Christ was already loving me.

So I ended up in a verbally abusive relationship with a man who demeaned who God created me to be by saying things like “she’s weak” and “I can have any other girl out here” and “Any other woman would love to have sex with me”. But I continued to stay, and even though I remained a virgin, I took so many other losses that pulled me further and further away from God. I would be in churches where the presence of God was falling on everyone else around me and I couldn’t feel anything. I would try to pray and it felt like my prayers were hitting the ceiling only to shatter on the ground. After 2 years of my mind, body, and spirit being completely drained…I heard God say “Timea, it’s either going to be me or him”. It’s the first time I had heard him speak to me in almost 2 years…so without second thought, I left my relationship. After that moment, the devil would not let me forget the mistakes that I made. He would try to make me remember that I was a dirty mess. Questions would flood my mind like “how could God love someone like me”, “how could I have been so blind that I begin to make relationships my God”, “Why would God want to use me after I deliberately turned my back on him?” I was condemning myself for things God had already forgiven me for.

Being a virgin doesn’t mean that you will not get tried. I honored God and I wanted to keep my commitment to submit myself to him heart, body, and soul. If I was still a virgin, why did I still feel so bad? I still left out of the storm with some of my integrity intact right?–wrong. The devil still tried to destroy my mind because I had been tied to someone so long who was not connected to God and so I had to work double time to rid myself of all of the habits, thoughts, and ways that I received from that person, which polluted my relationship with God. When God tells you to leave a place you don’t belong, you shouldn’t walk…you should run! But even in your obedience don’t think that the enemy won’t try to keep the chains of your past attached to you. Condemnation are chains!! When God for gives us, he casts our sins as far as the east is from the west, never to remember them again.

Your past does not belong to you anymore. God has given us a hope and a future in him. That future can not live in what was when we have been called to what will be. I had been praying that God would help me get through the pain and guilt of my past. I will never forget…I was at a service and the evangelist prayed for me and said “God said when my foot almost slipped, you almost slipped but God kept you from falling, he said stop condemning yourself, I have let it go and you need to let it go, I have forgiven you”. You are not what you’ve been…you are a flawed beautiful being. A being that God knew would make mistakes, disobey, and be wreckless with the gifts he gave. But sometimes he allows us to become a complete mess so that our mess can bring us back to our maker.

Here is the scripture that encouraged me through this time: “I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely: for mine anger is turned away from him. I will be as the dew unto Israel: he shall grow as the lily, and cast forth his roots as Lebanon. His branches shall spread, and his beauty shall be as the olive tree, and his smell as Lebanon. They that dwell under his shadow shall return; they shall revive as the corn, and grow as the vine: the scent thereof shall be as the wine of Lebanon”. (‭Hosea‬ ‭14‬:‭4-7‬ KJV)


Why I Made God the CEO of My Company

So we live in a world where if you ask who people are and what they have you might get the following responses:

I am a mother
I am a father
I am a Doctor
I am a Lawyer
I am a Fitness Trainer
I am a teacher

I have a family
I have a house
I have a Ferrari

And all of these responses would be true from the perspective of a man. If you asked me these questions my response would be “I am an entrepreneur and I have a business”. The crazy part about it though is that all of these things are not rightfully mine. These things are borrowed. When we pass away, we can not take the things we’ve acquired with us. I believe Solomon said it perfectly in Eccles. 2:17-21 “sometimes a person who has toiled with wisdom and knowledge and skill must leave everything to be enjoyed by someone who did not toil for it”. So I have learned to change my perspective of things being “my things” for the following reasons:

1. I may work for it but I won’t get to keep it.
2. Everything that I have, including my life, belongs to God.

A lot of us want to serve a God that we can only receive from without making him Lord of our lives. We hold on to our things with a tight grasp and clenched fists and say, “These are MINE”. We are obsessive and possessive. We fail to realize that everything was created for the glory of God so they are really “his things” in our hands. Colossians 1:16 (NKJV) says it this way, “For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him.”

Once I learned that everything I had belonged to God anyway, I begin to surrender every area of my life to him. I had failed trying to piece my relationships, business, family, and finances together. I noticed when I started to trust God wholeheartedly with every area of my life, things begin to transform drastically!! Bills were paid, debts were paid off, and this was happening when money was low and my business wasn’t doing well. I begin to change my view of God as just a provider and begin to make him the CEO of my company. Before every business deal or meeting I would pray. Before making hasty decisions, I would ask God what he thought. I would tell him to put a discomfort in my spirit if things were not right. The moment that I became intentional about giving my business back to God, he gave business back to me. So I encourage you to trade your “my” for his “mighty”. He is mighty enough to handle what you cannot. Let it go! It doesn’t belong to you, it belongs to him, and in his hands it is greater. I don’t want what I can do with the work of my hands because I am limited but God is LIMITLESS. I encourage you to start here:

Lord, I have been the CEO of my life long enough. In this moment, I relinquish everything that I have to you. You know what to do with them more than I do. I pray that you would lead me in every decision, guide my every step, and speak to my heart. Give me a clearer vision. Your vision. I thank you for all that you are, and I look to you because you are the author and finisher of my faith. I’m giving you your stuff back because it was never really mine, it was always yours. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.


Loving God Again

I thought I knew love once, and then I met Christ and realized that I didn’t know love at all. The kind of love I knew was the kind that said “if you love me, I’ll love you back” or “I love you because of how you make me feel”. The more I tried to understand what it really meant to love and to be loved, I realized no one could possibly love me as much as Christ. To know God is to know love, and apart from him, love does not exist. We experienced true love the moment he sacrificed his all, not certain that we would choose him; he still committed his life so that we would have the option not to lose ours. Who would give their  last when there is no guarantee that they will receive back what they put in? True love, real love, God’s love took a chance on us and his son’s life was the pawn. Jesus didn’t say “I’ll give my life for them, if they’ll give their life for me”. He never said “I’ll love them if they love me back” INSTEAD he said “I’ll give my life because there’s is worth saving”. I will give to them because they need a savior. I will love them because I created them and no matter how far they stray…they are still mine. Love is sacrificial. That’s what I have been learning the more I explore what it truly means to LOVE. So What does it mean to truly Love God? I mean to deeply love him the way that we seek to love and be loved? I am on a journey to find out. Each day, I have simply started this journey by involving God in more of my life’s decisions. I’ve realized that the moment I relinquish “my way” for “HIS way”, “my time” for “HIS time”, “my desires” for “HIS desires”, I am giving him my life. I am telling him Lord you’re my priority! Trust me, in a busy world it is easy to fall into a routine of reading our bibles, speed praying, and worshipping at church. If we only seek to serve and love God in our convenience then it’s no longer a sacrifice. It just becomes a routine. To break the cycle of this routine that I thought was love, I am intentionally studying what God’s word says about love. I don’t want to love him out of routine anymore. I just want to love him because it’s like second nature to me. I want to fall in love with God again. Each week, I will post a scripture and thoughts on my journey as I seek to uncover true love in Christ❤️